I went through high school without ever dating or kissing anyone. I thought that the reason no one wanted to go out with me was because of how ugly I was. I couldn’t see that God was protecting me for my future husband (who ended up being my first kiss). I blamed my singleness on my looks and personality. I struggled with being myself. All throughout high school, even though I loved Jesus with all of my heart, I had a major area of my life that was broken; it was how I saw myself. All those years of people making fun of me affected the way I saw myself in the mirror. I would look in the mirror and say to myself, “Wow, I am ugly.” I thought I was the ugliest person ever.
I would scrutinize every aspect of my appearance. I would look at my face and think, “Who would love me with a nose like this?” I would look at my skin color and think, “Who would love me with uneven skin tones like this?” I would look at my forehead and think, “Who would love me with pimples like I have?” I would point out every so-called “flaw” that I thought I had. This did not help me at all.
I would replay words that bullies said to me. You are gross. You are too hairy. You are a pig. You are a whore. You are a dog. You are dirty. I could not see the beauty that I had. I was trapped by all the evil words people had said to me. By the time I went away to college, I decided that I would be my true self, without the fear of what people thought of me. That is exactly what I did. I ended up attending Oral Roberts University in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I met a lot of people right away and had great friends. It was some of the most fun I had ever had in my life. During fall-break of my freshman year, I traveled home to Michigan and it was there where my path crossed with my husband, Matt.
I didn’t even know that having those thoughts about myself were wrong. It wasn’t until I met Matt that I began to see. It all started one night when he was telling me how beautiful I was. He said that I was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. I started to stop him, just like I stopped every person that complimented me. “No, stop it. I am not, but thanks.” He said, “Alyssa you are so beautiful. How can you say that?” I shared with him what people used to say and how I thought it was true. He kept telling me over and over again how beautiful I was, but I didn’t believe him.
Matt then told me something so powerful. He said, “Alyssa, you will never accept these words, or the compliments of others until you look into the word of God and see what God says about your beauty.” I took that challenge and began to see scriptures in a whole new light. God revealed to me my true beauty. It wasn’t until then that I believed it. I began to look in the mirror, and instead of saying “I am ugly,” I would say, “I am beautiful.” Soon enough those words people used to say to me faded, and all I heard was what God said about me.
“You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.” Song of Solomon 4:7 (ESV)
In my book that I wrote Purely Beautiful, I outline the 3 most powerful things God showed me in His Word about my beauty. First, that He created me. Second, that He Loved me. Third, that He gave me worth! That is for you too, God created you, loves you and gives you your worth!
Looking back on my teenage years, I am so thankful that I had ‘Never Been Kissed.’ I thought it was because I was ugly, but now I know that’s not true. I am so thankful that no guy took an interest in me because I wouldn’t have been able to save that special kiss for my husband. In our culture today we are encouraged to date and kiss as many people as we want. But God has such a better plan for us than what our culture does. I can proudly say that I am so thankful my husband is the only man I have ever kissed! This is not a weird thing, it is actually pretty cool!
If you have Never Been Kissed, know it’s not because your ugly!
Alyssa Shull is the founder of The Pink Lid. She graduated in 2008 from Oral Roberts University with a degree in multimedia productions. Alyssa and her husband Matt have been in full-time ministry for over 11 years. They produced and hosted Skunks TV (2009-2013), a youth television show, that aired world-wide on JCTV. Alyssa has had the privilege to preach the gospel in nine countries across the world and speak to girls here in America at different churches and events. Alyssa and Matt have been married for 12 years and are the parents of Audrianna and Zealand.